Nightmares. I don't know why but I have been having more and more nightmares. I use to have one here or there over time. As of late I have at least a couple to several a week maybe more.
I am not talking "man that was a scary dream where I fell out of a plane without a parachute." No I am talking bloody, gory really weird things that when you wake up you say "that was f---ed up." and "what the hell is wrong with me."
The latest dream went as follows:
The night was late and dark. It was raining. A constant rain not drizzling, but a cold consist ant and drenching rain. I could see my breath create a translucent cloud in front of me. I was standing in an alley behind a building. To my right was a 10 tall chain link fence with flood lights aiming down on me casting an Erie glow on my surroundings. To my right a loading dock of some building with dumpsters to the right of the dock.
I was standing with a stranger to my left. It was no one I knew personally and I didn't recognize the face. He was about my height and slimmer than me. We were just standing there letting the rain fall on us. Looking down the alley way. At which time one person stepped out in front of us. Two others individuals appeared behind us and grabbed the stranger. The one in front of us brandishing a knife stepped up to the stranger and cut him open from groin to navel. The cut was deep and the stranger was dieing right there in front of me.
I was backing quickly away from the scene. That is when I was grabbed from behind. The stranger was half laying while the man with the knife was holding his torso up by the armpits. This is when it gets really sick. I was then watching the whole scene from outside my body. I was watching the men force me to my knees and force my face into the strangers wound.
I watched as they pulled my head back by my hair. My face was covered in a thick layer of blood that coated my entire face. I had my mouth open as if to scream but nothing was coming out. The rain was still falling, but was barely washing away the blood. As I watched what was happening to me I was walking backwards away from the horror scene as if I was a ghost.
That is when the man pulling my hair drew a knife and held it to my throat. I awoke feeling sad, my heart wasn't racing. I was just overwhelmingly sad.
So that brings up the discussion as to what it all means. Do I have some latent homo erotic fantasy of having my face shoved into a dead mans bloody groin? Freud would have a field day. "Mr. Carlson, you are hostile to your subconscious homosexual side!"
To be honest I think if Freud analysed anyone he would say that same thing. Patient: "Dr. Freud, I feel depressed. My dog died today and I can't get over it." Freud: "You are really depressed because you want to sleep with your mother." Patient: "Well, how do you explain away the fact that I beat my dog with a pound of ham and a water bottle." Freud: "That stems from your need to REALLY sleep with your mother."
I like to think that the sick sense of humor I have is bleeding through to my dreams. Or the fact that someone had mentioned redwings last week and I would find such an act horrible and scaring (look up redwings on http://www.urbandictionary.com/. Did you read the definition? Really? Did you? When you've stopped vomiting let me know) Well, now.... If you're a guy you understand where I am coming from and were I was going.
Last night I had another bad dream. I was swimming but I was to weak to swim. The person I was swimming with was watching me slip under the surface. When I finally grabbed onto a dock I started crying because everyone in the world vanished. Freud: "Mr. Carlson, this dream stems from the fact that you want to have your mother give you a golden shower." Thanks doc, Thanks.
I think Nightmares are just bad horror movies without a plot line. Brought on by stress and subconscious fears of silly stuff. Why can't my dreams be more erotic in nature...
Smile big and smile often,
Carlson
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