Swarm Swarm Swarm

I work in a cube city.

The other day my boss decided to order lunch for the entire department because a coworker was leaving the company.

The lunch was for just our department. So as soon as the food comes through the door and is set up there is a line. Now the line consists of ONE person from my department. The other 9 people were from other departments on the other side of the building.

Two people who seem to have a feminine ability to sense when free food enters the building came running. I will call them, the angry Russian and the swisher. These two are inseparable. They were in line before my department even knew the food was there.

I was helping set the food out when I hear: swish swish swish swish. The swish is the sound of this swisher thighs and calves rubbing together. I find it truly fascinating that someone can literally rub so much fabric when the walk that the they leave smoke and burning bits of pants in their wake. The friction created by the rubbing would make the Human Torch green with envy. This woman could lube up her legs on the outside of her pants and still would make more noise than a janitor with an out of control floor buffer.

And to the swisher's right... the angry Russian. Who is perpetually on a diet.

Don't give me any of that shit that you're on a diet and you have three plates of Chinese food and a snickers bar for dessert.

The VP of my department was extremely annoyed at the fact that only one person from our department was in line for food. Of course every team has there food rusher. I will call this food rusher: "DripSnatch, King of the Duchebags", I don't like him very much and I think the title fits and has a nice disgusting ring to it. Of course, I could call him" Duke Anal-Leakage" "Fuckwardo, Earl of CockSuckAh" "Bentardo, Lord of LickMonkeyTaint" you get the picture.

The crowd for food formed so quickly that if I didn't get in line i wouldn't even get a little. So I knocked a project manager out of the way, boxed out a technical account manager and dived into the food. Literally... people will not eat food if it has been rubbed on a naked, hairy, chubby blond hair mans body! Of course I didn't do that...

BUT EVERYONE... FOOD IS HERE....SWARM SWARM SWARM